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 ~Mechscape Fan Fiction Story~ Outbreak

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alphawolf700

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Posts : 41
Join date : 2009-08-02
Age : 22
Location : In YoUr MiNd

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Combat Level: 62
Total Level: 844
Quest Points: 71

PostSubject: ~Mechscape Fan Fiction Story~ Outbreak   Tue Aug 18, 2009 1:24 pm

My first, probably won't be to good but I'm doing my best

---

I slowly walked into the lab, wary of all the people crowding around me. Did all of them sign up? Or are they the doctors? Hundreds of questions plagued my mind.

I sat down on the floor beside another man talking on his phone. His hand covered his mouth as he talked quietly. His eyes suddenly turned scared as if he had seen a ghost. I asked him what he was here for as he set the phone down. "I was here for it, but now I'm not so sure." I was about to ask him what the person on the phone had said when suddenly they called my name. I got up and walked over to the table. As I layed down on the table I noticed the man I had sat by looking at me with worried eyes. He slowly got up then hurried out. Was something bad going to happen? I quickly shook the thought seeing as the news was saying millions had already gotten it.

They wrapped a rubber band around my arm and told me not to tense. Quickly they stabbed me with the needle and injected it. A warm feeling spread through my body, as if it were burning in my bloodstream. As I got up I felt dizzy. I was on the verge of unconsciousness. I stayed awake long enough to notice my veins glowing bright red. I fell to my knees on the floor and passed out.

---

More coming later, all criticism is accepted.


Last edited by alphawolf700 on Tue Aug 18, 2009 8:26 pm; edited 1 time in total
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T sydd T

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Age : 26

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Total Level: 1949
Quest Points: 291

PostSubject: Re: ~Mechscape Fan Fiction Story~ Outbreak   Tue Aug 18, 2009 5:38 pm

I have the same critisism as the guy on your prayer thread, stop making wall of words!!! lol break after every 3-5 sentences
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Rangepk8443
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Posts : 30
Join date : 2009-08-03
Age : 24
Location : Campbellford, Ontario

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Combat Level: 98
Total Level: 1300
Quest Points: 76

PostSubject: Re: ~Mechscape Fan Fiction Story~ Outbreak   Tue Aug 18, 2009 7:36 pm

Yes, you've gotta learn to write paragraphs. The white hurts my eyes.

Story looks good so far, though.
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alphawolf700

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Posts : 41
Join date : 2009-08-02
Age : 22
Location : In YoUr MiNd

Runescape Stats
Combat Level: 62
Total Level: 844
Quest Points: 71

PostSubject: Re: ~Mechscape Fan Fiction Story~ Outbreak   Tue Aug 18, 2009 8:25 pm

Yeah I don't really pay attention to paragraphs much lol this has been the longest summer of my life =/
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